Diary 003: Updates

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Finally I’m back on the blog with a chatty post! I thought it was only fitting that we start with one of these diary posts to help me gather my thoughts and reintroduce myself to the blog. Way, way back in March I wrote about some new habits I was trying to form and whilst I want to update you guys on how I’m getting on with those soon, I figured I’d give you a little roundup of my last few weeks/months first (where is time going?? How is it November? I’m confused). Also these pictures were taken by the lovely Alex - I went to see her a few weeks back for a little photo shoot.

I finished my Master’s back at the beginning of September (dissertation post is still coming!) and afterwards I felt disorientated and like I’d lost a lot of momentum. In many ways I haven’t quite got that momentum back, and its something I’m still working on. As stressful and hard as writing my second dissertation was, it gave me a real sense of purpose, and now for the first time in many years I have to give myself purpose. For the time being the plan is to remain self-employed as a b/vlogger and dedicate myself completely to the platforms that I’ve always been balancing with my studies. I’m certainly not ready for further university again any time soon, so I’m just going to let things settle for now. I learnt so much during my MA and found it incredibly rewarding intellectually, and I think I need to allow all that new stuff to work itself over in my head before I formulate any kind of PhD plan, if indeed that’s what I decide to do, of course.

For now, I think it’s probably important to set myself goals and deadlines and all the things that I’m used to from years of uni, because for a little while it seemed like everything was just kind of stretching ahead of me with no real driving force. It’s all a work in progress and I’m excited to challenge myself to figure it all out. Like I said in a recent vlog, I’m still strangely in the habit of rushing my content because I’m so accustomed to fitting it in with other major projects, so I think something I definitely want to do is slow down, and not worry so much about the quantity of what I’m making but rather the quality. That’s not to say that all my YouTube/blog/insta content has been rushed for five years, but that I have the time now to be more creative, more ambitious and do myself proud. I want to work smarter and give myself more time off, too; I think by the end of my MA I was close to burnout from trying to keep it all going, and I think it’ll be nice for me to sit back and enjoy things more.

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I also think I expected all this to happen - for me to completely change pace, daily routine, ways of thinking - as soon as I had finished, but I’m still working on it, not least because other life things were happening at the same time. If you follow my YouTube channel, you will likely know that I recently lost my Auntie Julie to cancer, and my family and I are going to miss her so much. She was an incredible woman who achieved so much in her life, whilst also being unfailingly kind and thoughtful. I was making trips down to Devon as regularly as I could since her diagnosis late last year, and even moreso since I finished studying. I probably won’t be talking about it too much more as obviously I want to honour my family’s privacy, as well as my own, but its made an indelible impact on my life so it would feel strange to leave it out.

I’m sure many of you have felt a bit out of place coming out of university, and I would love to know how you handled the transition period. I’ll be back soon with a dissertation post and an update on how my new habits are going, but if there’s anything else you’d like to see from me, please do let me know!